The 7th annual Hottest Women Alive list is finally here! But before you scroll down, first a word on methodology:
Objectifying naked women based on physical attractiveness is considered bigoted and low-class. So, The Metropolis Times chooses to take a stand and instead objectifies clothed women based on intelligence, talent, poise, grace, accent and material success in addition to physical attractiveness.
Judgment calls trump any sort of algebraic formula. For instance, Megyn Kelly is smart, successful and physically attractive, but I can’t imagine having a interesting dinner conversation with her. Even before the food would be brought out, she’d crinkle up her nose in disgust and sarcastically express outrage at whatever she happened to glance at first.
This year’s ecumenical efforts are notable. The Top 5 consists of an Anglican, a Roman Catholic, a Greek Orthodox, a Jew and a Muslim.
|10. Felisa Wolfe-Simon
Like Jodie Foster in Contact, but real. Wolfe-Simon led the team that made last week’s groundbreaking announcement about the discovery of GFAJ-1, an arsenic based life form that leads astrobiology in a new direction. And, if her nerdhood was in any doubt, she got a B.M in Oboe.
|9. Anna Kendrick
Nominated for an Academy Award for Up in the Air, Kendrick also had an enjoyable role in Scott Pilgrim. The best thing about the end of the Twilight Saga will be that Kendrick will have more time to pursue roles I might actually watch.
|8. Emma Watson
Watson’s acting and modeling career is taking a backseat to her education at Brown, so more than a bit of Hermione must have rubbed off on her. And the gratuitous fan service scene in Deathly Hallows was much appreciated.
|7. Carey Mulligan
Don’t let the hair fool you – the lovely Ms. Mulligan is stunning in all her roles, conveying a mix of sad maturity and naivete. Pictured here with Keira Knightley in the dystopian Never Let Me Go, her most intriguing scheduled role is as Eliza Doolittle in a 2012 My Fair Lady remake.
|6. Lindsey Vonn
She bruised her shin shortly before the 2010 Olympics, but still became the first American to win gold in womens’ downhill. She’s pictured here winning the bronze medal in Super-G, because it doesn’t make any sense at all to post photos of a skier in a swimsuit and in her gold medal photo she was wearing an awfully silly hat.
|5. Queen Rania
Her Majesty The Queen of Jordan is a member of the World Economic Forum Foundation Board and uses her status and social networking to promote education and the fight against poverty. You know, like a monarch is supposed to do.
|4. Kate Middleton
I’m sure it won’t be long before the tabloids destroy our image of the ideal Anglo princess, so let’s just enjoy this while we can.
|3. Natalie Portman
Her role in Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan is getting rave reviews and some good Oscar buzz. Portman tries her talent out on disparate roles, and you never get the feeling she’s just in it for the paycheck. No one does an Aronofsky film just for the paycheck.
|2. Keira Knightley
Knightley plays the smiling, stunning sophisticate nearly every time out and although you’d imagine that melancholy English period dramas might be a constraining genre, its really what she always ought to do. I can never tell if she has incredible taste, or if maybe even a rumpled bedsheet would look stylish draped over her gamine body.
|1. Tina Fey
In 2010, Fey became the youngest winner of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, worked the stripper pole with Steve Carrell in Date Night, and wrote/produced/starred in what is still the funniest show on television. Tina Fey is the Babe Ruth of hotness. At this point, she could throw a vial of acid on her face and still make the list.
As usual, this is an objective, scientific, definitive list. Disagreement with a ranking does nothing but reveal deep-seated psychological issues within the dissenter.